Jeremy’s got himself some competition! Mr. Trump had a few hours to spare for us after an afternoon of golf and received us in Mar-a-Lago for an interview on his latest creation.
Article and photo inspired by “Pretty Peach” by Avon
The nose behind “Eau d’ Impeach” had this to say about his new “winning” release:
Believe me, this A+ peachy pumpkin juice infused with real gold is gonna be HUGE. It will be the greatest fragrance in the history of the world, and it will make all you underprivileged stinkies smell like billions and billions of dollars, like me.
Scientists say that injecting it into your veins will kill COVID immediately. But more importantly, you’ll find out… All the women you see will start flirting with you, consciously or unconsciously. It automatically attracts beautiful women. It’s like a magnet. They’ll just kiss you and you won’t even have to wait, they’ll let you do it. Wear this and you can do anything. I wanted to call it “Pussy Magnet” at first but my pussy lawyers wouldn’t let me. Lame!
Many extremely credible sources from Fragrantica told me that it will be record breaking. They said that if they took a poll, “Eau d’ Impeach” would win that poll by more than any fragrance has won a poll.
So the reviews have been unanimously positive?
Any negative reviews out there are fake news full of alternative facts written by the fake fragcom media. They should be locked up for all this presi-d’eau-tial harassment.
I heard there were some performance issues?
FAKE NEWS!
Okay. How is Eau d’Impeach‘s longevity and projection?
Oh it projects all over the room, it will even hit the ceiling. And just like me, it lasts all night long.
Since the packaging is rather small, some have said the perfume inside will be small too, maybe 15ml or sample size. Is this a valid concern?
Look at this bottle. Is this a small bottle? I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.
And aside from peach and gold, what else does your fragrance smell of?
Well, since I couldn’t get my hands on any dirty notes on Biden, I asked Don Junior to personally extract me a couple of tons of authentic musk, castoreum and civet on his latest hunting trip. And believe me, these animalic notes won’t remind you of pigs, dogs or other ugly women, but only of sexy tigers like my Ivanka.
Interesting. Could you tell us about any potential plans for future releases?
Absolutely. My next fragrance will also be the best in the world and will be called “Executive Time, an office fragrance for Alpha men“, with notes of testosterone, narcissusm flowers, and a touch of Tic Tac.
My fragrance after that one will be a freshie designed specifically for the gym and will be called “Locker Room Talk“, with 130 000 top notes of pornstar hush money, clogged heart notes of fried chicken, and base notes of yeti pubes and Mario Kart mushrooms.
Let’s make America smell great again!
P(ee).s.: Mr. Trump emphasises that the ammonia smell is caused solely by the spray-tan notes, and that his juice contains no urine whatsoever. We repeat. No urine. He Putin a lot of effort to make sure we disclaim this explicitly.
Pee.pee.s. The original Pretty Peach by Avon (which inspired all this nincompoopery) is no longer in production.
https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Avon/Pretty-Peach-38607.html#
